Friends with benefits
First time I heard about this was on „One Tree Hill“. When the new kid in town, Felix tried to convince Brooke that this is the best form of relationship. No stress, just the advantages of a friendship and casual sex. It’s a drama series so of course this never had the potential to work out.
But what about real life? Can two friends casually have sex without ruining their friendship and cause a lot of drama?
The difficulty after all lays in not falling for the other one. It’s a friend and what do you choose your friends for? Right, personality! You’d never be friends with somebody you can’t stand. In a true friendship you’d describe the other one with lots of positive attributes Of course you could also come up with something that annoys you, but it can’t be that bothering cause you are still willing to look over it. That’s just what friendship is about. So if you experience this new side on your friend, doesn’t that make you look differently on her/him? The physical aspects adds up to the already existing boundary and you may start thinking that your friend might be boyfriend/girlfriend material. Emotional and physical match. If both of you think so, well then … congrats, you’ve made it to another form of relationship. Make it exclusive.
If only one fell for the other – trouble! Stop having sex right away! Cause it’s not making love and one of you can’t see the difference anymore. The longer you keep going, the more drama in the end.
Project failed – try to limit the damage.
Some distance could be good for both of you. In some cases it can be a long way to get back to where you started and in others you will never be able to deal with each other like you did before.
As a good advice: Never try this with best friend!
Do you want to risk losing your best friend? I bet not. If you want to get physical with your best friend you either way don’t mind ruining the friendship and therefor you can’t really be best friends, cause you’d care a lot more, or you already have feelings for that person.
Completely wrong intention for not creating drama.
The intentions are a big question anyways. Why adding the benefits to the friendship? Or the friendship to the benefits?
One could state that sex releases stress and generally makes you feel better. And let’s all admit it, sometimes you just need it. In that case you could also have a one night stand. So why choosing friends with benefits over one night stands? It’s for the safety. What can a friend give you that a stranger never will? Of course it’s the safety! You trust friends and can let go easily. And it’s not just that you don’t have to be afraid of diseases, you also feel mentally safe.
But that’s not the only advantage. You have somebody you can call right the moment you feel like and don’t have to spend your time on the hunt with no guarantee that you won’t go home alone.
But girls beware people tend to call you sluts when you have sex without being in an official romantic relationship. And guys you might not be openly called a slut, but you’ll also be judged. Especially by girls.
People always judge and as you choose what to do with your life you can also choose not to care what others think. You’re doing this for fun, don’t you? Because you want to enjoy life with all its aspects. And you want this special aspect now, not wait till you found that special someone. Don’t let anybody put you down because of what you claim for. As long as it feels good, keep going.
Don’t lie to yourself about your intention. If you’re trying to compensate something, it will most probably only feel good for a short moment. Sleeping with a friend is not the solution and also not fair to your friend.
I think friends with benefits is a constellation that can work out, but not for everybody. Be sure whether you can differ between sex and love. Even through they usually go hand in hand they are not one and the same. Also know when it’s time to stop. This is not a permanent arrangement. As soon as one of you meets a special someone it’s time to have a benefits free friendship again.
Well for Felix and Brooke it didn’t work out because Felix was in love with her right from the beginning. So be aware of the little signs it might save your friendship in the end, or make you a happy couple.