The reason

Andrea opened the car door and let herself fall on the driver seat. The sound of the smashing car door echoed through the empty street. She listened completely motionless. Long after it was already quiet the bang was still echoing through her head. She felt paralyzed and empty-headed. The light started fading and Andrea still didn’t move at all. Suddenly a man left one of the nearby houses. She watched him get into his car and drive away. Finally, no longer paralyzed, she turned the key to start her car. She needed to get away from here. As fast as she could.
The silence now laid heavily on her and she quickly turned on the radio. She didn’t really listen, but the voice calmed her. The radio host stopped talking and a song started playing. She missed its title, but the melody seemed familiar to her. Maybe she’d remember when she heared the lyrics. “I’m not a perfect person, there’s many things I wish I didn’t do …” A gentle manly voice started singing. Yes, now Andrea remembered. The Reason. “What a beautiful song.” she thought. Andrea turned up the volume as she left the city. Michael never told her he was sorry. And all Andrea wished in that moment was that Michael was singing that song to her. She wished that Michael would admit just one time that he made mistakes. And she wished that he’d  tell her that he wants to change, that he wants to start over new. But Andrea knew that he’d never change. He hurt her over and over again. The pain he put her through could no longer be ignored. She had enough. Lied to, cheated on and ignored that’s what would describe her relationship best. When she was crying he left her alone, while all she wanted was to be told that he didn’t meant to do those things and that he’d learn from them. Andrea had to admit to herself that she should have ended the relationship a long time ago. Hoping for him to change was simply dumb. He never loved her enough to treat her better. Possibly he never loved her at all. The biggest lie he ever told her must have been that he loved her.
Her eyes filled with tears. Tears that nobody would catch, just as she was already used to. How much she wished this song was meant for her.
The refrain started once again. She turned the volume even louder and sang along. “I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you.” She screamed it from the top of her lunges and she couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. Her singing turned into a sobbing. Tears were running down her face and she started shaking. She needed to get a clear sight again. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all to listen to the radio. She wiped some tears away and leaned to the side to turn the radio off. No more thinking and crying over Michael. She needed to get home.
Silence laid over her again, but then she heard someone honking. She looked up and got dazzled by the oncoming traffic. Andrea pulled the steering-wheel around hard. Her eyes were still filled with tears and she couldn’t see what was going on. She felt how she hit something. “And the reason is you.” she thought. Then it got dark.

 

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Posted on July 17, 2014, in The story behind and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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