Secrets

„Your life gets kind of boring lately.” Jimmy laughs at me. “I know. I need another story.” “So there’s absolutely nothing you want to get off your chest? Nothing to confess?” “Absolutely nothing!” “Ahhh come on don’t tell me there’s nothing. There has got to be something.” I know that Jimmy was still joking, but somehow I became more serious. As if I wouldn’t be honest with him. I got so sick of all the insincere lately. People lie about the simplest things. It’s not making anything better if you don’t tell the truth. So why on earth can’t people be honest? Most of all about their feelings. Jimmy’s look is becoming more observing and serious. “What’s wrong?” “Tell me what you want to hear. What will light those ears?” His face expression gets a bit confused. “Well … Whatever is on your mind.” “I’m just tired. Tired about people’s lies. It’s all about lying and pretending. Lying about what we think and feel and pretending that things don’t happen. Or pretending that we don’t care, which is also a lie. I’m so fed up with this. Why should I lie about how I feel? Not to make the other feel bad? Like, no! How would that help? It’s obviously not helping me because besides not feeling good I also have to pretend that I’m totally fine. That’s mental stress! And if the asking person actually cares about me they should prefer knowing the truth. But it also works the other way around. Sometimes you pretend not to be super happy, because you don’t want to bother others with your good mood. That’s so wrong! And if you already lie about your mood you can’t be honest about deeper feelings and thoughts either. It sucks that you need to question people’s honesty each and every time.” “You don’t need to question mine. I’m always 100% honest with you.” “I know Jimmy. So am I with you. But I want more. I want no more perfect lies. I want to say what’s on my mind and don’t fear the critics. I don’t want to be ashamed about how I feel. I don’t want to be ashamed about what I think. That’s like being ashamed of who I am.” “There’s no need to be ashamed at all. Who cares about what others might think? Who are they to judge you? Be the person you want to be. If anybody can’t deal with that then they can fuck off. You don’t need them in your life. And maybe you’ll inspire more people to do the same. Be as honest as you are.” A moment of silence. Jimmy is right. Things need to change. At least for me.
“No more lies. No more pretending. I’m gonna give all my secrets away.”
“So will I, Shane.” Jimmy laughs again.
“That’s why you’re my best friend.”

 

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Posted on July 21, 2014, in The story behind and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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