Into the fire
Jordan grabbed his collar. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He loosened his tie a little but the feeling didn’t get any better. It was this awful place, it took his breath away. And these people. He would rather be alone. He had never seen most of them before. Why were they even here? And why couldn’t they understand that he didn’t want to talk to them? Jordan wanted to be alone. The sky was falling down on him and all he needed was to go outside. He needed some fresh air. And he needed to be away from all these people.
The moment he laid his hand and the doorknob he heard his grandfather’s voice through the microphone. “Might I have your attention for a moment, please?” His look wandered over the many heads and finally stopped at Jordan. His look laid on him for a while, then Jordan let go of the doorknob and folded his arms. He knew that his grandfather wanted him to stay and listen. As soon as he was done he’d leave.
“First of all I want to thank you all for being here. It means a lot to us. And I know that it would also mean a lot to Rachel. Many of you went to see her the last days. When my wife and I saw her in the evenings she had always welcomed us with a smile and said Mommy, daddy, you won’t believe who came to see me. She spent her last days surrounded by people who loved her, remembering the wonderful time she had on this planet earth. I wish she would have had more time. I wish I could’ve given her some of my own. It seems so unfair to me that someone so good and filled with love like Rachel had to go so early. I am still here and my Rachel disappeared into the dust. Why is that? It doesn’t make any sense. I am old and not half as good as Rachel was. She deserved my time and she deserved less pain. But maybe I got more time so I can become as good as a person as Rachel was. Angel belong to heaven. Love and duty called her someplace higher and she went up the stairs. I want her near. I want her here. And I could scream, shout and cry.
But then I remember her strength, I remember her faith, I remember her hope and I remember her love. The immense strength she went through live with, her faith in god, the humanity and that everything will turn out the way it should be, her hope for the good and that her loved ones would never have to suffer and her love for life.
She had so much love to give. Rachel’s love touched so many people. On a cloudy, fresh autumn day she could make you see the beauty of the colored world. In a snowy winter night she made you aware of the peaceful atmosphere. When others were sad she made them smile again. And when others forgot to love life she made them remember.
I remember that all and I know that she wouldn’t want me to scream and shout and cry. She would want me to love life. To love life for her. To see the beauty in every day. So that one day when I walk up the stairs to see her again I will be able to tell her about all the beauties that I’ve seen.” He stopped for a moment and Jordan took a deep breath. His grandfather looked up at the ceiling and this time he spoke directly to Jordan’s mother.
“Rachel, we miss you. And we will honor your memory by loving life as much as you did.
May your strength give us strength. May your faith give us faith. May your hope give us hope. And may your love give us love.”
A tear rolled down Jordan’s cheek. He turned around, opened the door and ran away. He didn’t want to hear all that. All he wanted was his mother back.