She sat on the edge of her bed. A glimpse behind her told her that he was deep asleep. She’d rather see him leave. She should’ve told him. He should’ve known. But he was still here anyway. Amelia thought about waking him up. Instead she got up, grabbed some clothes that were laying on the floor and left the room. She entered the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She didn’t want him to come in, in case he woke up. She stepped into the shower cabin and turned the water on. It made her shiver at first, but from the look on her face it could’ve been just perfect. The water turned warmer and warmer till it nearly burned her skin. Amelia stood there, motionless, hugging herself. She wanted to wash herself. Feel clean again. But now she couldn’t make her body work. Amelia closed her eyes and let the water fall down on her face. She counted to twenty, then she started to wash herself. She scrubbed herself excessively until the water turned cold again. Wrapped up in a towel she sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the door. Her wet hair was dripping. Some of the drops ran down her neck. She concentrated on the feeling of it. That was easier. Easier than to think about other things. One drop. Then another. They tickled her. But she liked that. A soft and gentle touch.
He hadn’t touched her that gentle. But she had liked it anyway. She had enjoyed being with him. It felt good. He felt good. Now it was gone. The magic of his warm eyes was gone. Maybe it would come back when he woke up and opened them, but she didn’t really think so. The magic never came back.
She wanted him to leave. She never wanted to look into those eyes again. Eyes so much softer than the rest of him. A look so gentle a touch could never be compared to. Amelia had gone lost in them the first time she laid eyes on him. And then she got lost in the feeling. First his eyes, than the feeling and now – emptiness.
She was alone, even with him still laying in her bed. It made it worse. He had to leave. Or she’d leave until he finally did. Maybe she could find other warm eyes. Or a warm touch. Get the feeling back. And forget, even if it was just for a moment. She felt like a junkie. Always looking for the next high. Always on the hunt. And she was damn good at hunting.
She heard the front door being shut. So he was gone. Finally.
Tears kept crawling down her face. Amelia couldn’t stop them. They burned her skin. She whipped them away , full of anger. Why was she crying? “Stupid girl. He means nothing to you. And you mean nothing to him. You wanted him to leave.” But the tears kept falling. Would they ever stop?
She got up and got dressed. The distraction helped. The tears got less. She left the bathroom and headed towards her bedroom when she heard a sound. She held on for a moment and listened, then she went into the living room instead.
“I thought you left. I heard the front door.” she said. He sat on the sofa and looked up when she spoke. He scratched his head. “Hm yeah … I meant to leave, but then I thought I should check if you’re okay. Are you?” “Yes, yes I am.” “You don’t look like you are. Did you cry Amelia?” he asked her. There was probably no way she could deny it. She sat on the sofa beside him and hugged her knees. After a while she looked at him. Not sure whether to say something or not. His eyes met hers. Warm eyes.
Now she felt ashamed for not knowing his name.