Category Archives: Quick thoughts

How about a bit more chivalry?

What is chivalry? The average person would probably tell you that it’s when a man opens the door for a woman, or walks her home. Simply a man being a so called gentleman.
Now if you look the word up in dictionaries you will find it in one way or the other defined as the sum of qualities expected by knights of the Middle Age, such as honour, courtesy, bravery, loyalty, courage, readiness to help the weak, justice, generosity and gallantry. The gallantry especially towards women. And all these words have definitions of their own.
Honour – honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions. Loyalty – faithfulness towards commitments or obligations. Generosity – readiness to give, but also the freedom from meanness or smallness of mind or character.
No matter which word you take, they’re all quite big. There was a lot asked of a knight. And there’s still a lot asked of men, if we want them to be chivalrous.
But why is it only asked of men? Aren’t these the kind of values that we would like to see in anybody?
If you search for quotes about chivalry you find more or less two sorts. The ones that say chivalry is dead and the ones that wish for more chivalry, which in a way states that they so far can’t find any. Does that mean chivalry is really dead? Maybe it’s just me being romantic, but I don’t think so. I think we are only looking for the wrong kind of chivalry.
Gallantry is amongst other things defined as polite attention or respect given by men to women. Sounds a lot like the average expectation of what chivalrous behaviour should look like. But it’s by definition only a part of chivalry. And then again gallantry also means courageous and noble-minded behaviour. I like the second definition better. Not because I think a man shouldn’t respect a woman and treat her politely. No, not at all. But I think it’s wrong that it is only expected of men. Women should respect and treat men politely all the same. In my opinion chivalry as such should as well be expected of women.
We are no longer living in The Middle Ages. This is a new time. A time we are fighting for equality. And equality has got no limits! A woman’s hopes of equality shouldn’t be questioned because she asks for chivalry. As long as she is willing to be chivalrous herself. Being chivalrous doesn’t make a woman less female, it only makes her a better person. Being chivalrous makes everybody a better person. You just need to find the knight within yourself.
Today’s chivalrous people are the new knights. Fighting for a better world. Together. Male and female.

Today just wasn’t my day

OH MY GOD! For a moment I thought everything was gone. My whole book. All of if.

Well sort of. I just couldn’t open the document. It kept crashing down. I was close to insanity. Closer than usually and that means a lot. Technology and I just don’t work togehter. Maybe I should just go back to pen and paper. Not that I wouldn’t do that regularly.
That’s just how much safer it is to write on a computer. Your documents never get lost or destroyed. Not!
What kind of a joke that is. As if I wouldn’t take care of my handwritten stuff. I rely so much on the safety on my computer and when it crashes down I’m all shocked. I swear I could’ve cried.
And now I could cry because it’s still there. Maybe also because it just wasn’t my day and this was the least thing I wanted to deal with today.

I’m sorry, but …

What a useless combination of words. I’m not sorry at all to say so, because it’s just the truth. I’m starting to think that people don’t know the meaning of “I’m sorry”. Cause if they knew and really felt sorry they wouldn’t go on with “but”. There are no buts about being sorry. Either way you are feeling sorry, or you are not. Simple as that.
The problem actually is that people are apologizing in advance. But why would you do that? When you already know that what you want to say will hurt the other you should think about not saying it at all. Is it necessary to hurt the other? It never is. Is it necessary to say it at all? If it bothers you, go ahead. Is there maybe a nicer way to say what you want to say? Most possibly yes!
I’m not saying that there’s always the purpose to hurt the other. I guess people are just so used to say they’re sorry that they forget that saying you’re sorry doesn’t make up what you said. They are just words. If those words have no meaning you can’t expect the other to forgive you.
The more often you are saying it the likelier it becomes that you won’t be excused. Sooner or later nobody will believe you.
I think it’s a matter of apologizing for being honest. To fill the gap between “Always be honest!” and “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” people apologize for their not so nice honesty. They feel the need to be honest, but through it’s nothing nice they choose the way of apologizing in advance.
Still I think it’s a totally useless combination of words. I think we should teach our kids to always be honest. We should teach them a way to be honest without being mean. And therefore we should start learning that ourselves.

To be honest ….

I really dislike the words “to be honest”. I avoid using this phrase and also don’t like reading it. Not because I dislike honesty. I try to be as honest and open with my thoughts as possible. I tend to keep things to myself, but not because I’d mind saying the truth. In fact what I dislike about “to be honest” is that it implies that I’m not always honest. Nobody would ever start every sentence with declaring his or her honesty. Does that mean he or she is usually lying? Of course not. And still when you use it, it lets everything else seem less sincere.
You want to give your words more weight? Use the power of language. It’s quite easy to express your honest meanings with the spoken language, but also not impossible with the written one. Say it in more details and your honesty won’t be doubted.
For example: “To be honest, I really like you.” doesn’t sound half as good as: “I really like you. You are so much fun to talk to. It never gets boring. And you’ve got a lovely personality.”
Of course this can vary, but your point is clearer if you not just say you’re being honest, but go into detail in your honesty.
Another reason I dislike this phrase is because it’s often followed by something negative. Used as an excuse to say something hurtful. Being honest means saying the positive and the negative. But your honesty is no excuse to be mean. Believe it or not, there are nice ways to criticize. Once again a detailed opinion is the key.
To be honest I think it’s just a phrase nowadays. To be honest I don’t think people are valuing honesty enough. To be honest I think a lot of people still lie when they start a sentence like this. To be honest I guess a lot of people prefer being lied to, because the truth can hurt. To be honest I don’t think being lied to makes anything better. To be honest I prefer the truth, cause then life can go on.
To be honest I still dislike “to be honest”.

Home

They say home is where the heart is. But what if you just can’t tell where it is?
Of course your heart sits in your chest, doing its job. If people meant it this way your home would change constantly to be right where you are. Completly not what anybody would describe home as.
Home is your safe place. Where you can be yourself and always feel good.
So it’s the metaphorical hear, that stands for your feelings.
Home can be any place, that you have a special connection to due to the feelings that you refer to it. Home can be where your loved ones are. Home can be where the natural surroundings touched you. Home can be where you have memories. Home can be any place that touched you in any way.
For me? I have a home, but I haven’t found home yet.
In the end it could just be about finding home within yourself.